Gary (63), a regular contributor to the online support group, Virtuous Paedophiles (Virped), is sexually attracted to 6 to 12-year-old girls. As is the case with the vast majority of people who find themselves with the attraction, Gary has been aware it since around the age of twelve. “The forums are helpful in reducing the risk of acting on my urges, even though I don't consider myself at great risk. I came to an egosyntonic acceptance of my pedophilia without ever acting on it or being distressed by it.”
Over the course of his life, Gary has faced repeated trauma and prejudice as a result of his sexual orientation. ‘Being dismissed from Walden University based solely on my sexual orientation was certainly most traumatic. Being interrogated by the state police and banned from the only hospital in our county because of false allegations was certainly not fun. I was also abandoned by a counsellor without a referral in 1999. The counsellor freaked out when I came out to her and said, "I can't deal with that." She said she would not meet with me again.’
Gary is married to recently retired medical professional, Tabitha. Having been married for almost ten years, Gary came out to her as being sexually attracted to young girls four years ago. “My wife, sisters, children, other relatives, and many friends accept my attraction as long as I don't act on it. Only mental health professionals have mistreated me.”
Gary opening up the church in preparation for an AA-styled course that he runs to help locals with problems such as addiction and depression. As a member of the Seventh Day Adventist Church, Gary centres his life on religion. Last year he finished building this church himself with the help of his family, local community and other members of the Seventh Day Adventist Church.
While on a trip to visit his daughter, Gary has arranged to meet Sammy- another member of Virped forum who he has known for several years but only now for the first time has had the opportunity to meet.
Sammy (33) has been aware of his attraction for 20 years. “When I was 10, the first time I ejaculated was thinking about a 5-year-old girl that I had seen that day. She was wearing a pretty white dress. I remember thinking it was kind of ... odd. When I was about 15, I fell in love with a 3-year-old girl. At that point it was impossible to deny that I was a paedophile.”
Sammy shaves in preparation for another of dozens of interviews he has gone through in recent weeks. The final rediscovery of his attraction came as a result of falling in love with the daughter of his ex-wife’s sister, both of whom had moved in with them for several years. He would smoke marijuana in order to suppress the attraction, which lead to an addiction. He was recently fired from his job after coming out as positive in a drug test he had to take after being promoted.
”I believe [paedophiles] have romantic/sexual desires toward children that blend with protective desires. For example, I have had fantasies that appear to be crosses between date fantasies and paternal fantasies. Fantasies like taking a girl to the movies, holding her hand, then taking her home to tuck her in to bed and then reading her a bedtime story and kissing her goodnight.”
Child Celibate (Preview)
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